Be the best you can be.

We were asked to lunch last week. When I walked into the space and saw the table, I knew all would be well - such sensible simplicity and such ease. (No mountains of tinsel and poinsettia crowding the table.)
 
You'd be hard pressed to find a more beautiful plate.  Steph and I used to haunt the auctions where she found (for a song) this vintage pile of Villeroy & Boch - plates, sauceboats and platters. (Haven’t been able to date nor name it yet.)
 
It doesn’t get much better than to be invited to someone’s house. The end of the year, the festive season, whatever you wish to call it, there’s going to be a lot of hospitality going on.  And it’s not about the food.  We do it because we want to be with each other. So let’s have some open discussion this month on making it all happen, with dignity and grace.
 
Three simple pointers to start with, for both sides…
Be the best host/e

• Be ready and prepared. Guests are not here to see you chop parsley. (Guests can feel guilty.)  Hide the work.  Have everything ready to go. (Think mis en place– more of that later)
• Washing up while guests are still in the house is a horror. If you are a compulsive tidier, you’re going to have to control your neurosis. Should I get up from the table too and grab a tea-towel? (I’ve had a glass removed from my hand at the end of the meal, the husband so eager to show off his efficiency and husbandry!) Being with your guests comes first. If you need more plates, take up the idea of current hipster restaurants and get 12 odd dinner plates from your nearest Vinnies or Salvo’s store – for a song!
• Plan a menu that allows you to stay at the table as much as possible. This is not the time to try out something that needs last minute attention, frying or blending. (A Coulibiac is ideal, of course!)

Don't offer lots of choice. You think you’re doing the right thing but you’re not.  
 
Be the best guest.

• Be on time, unless you consider yourself more precious than others. For a dinner at 7.00, aim for between 7.05 and 7.15.  For a cocktail party of 2 hours, arrive between 7.05 and 7.20. For a wild, all night party, invited for 8.00, arrive between 8.10 and 8.45. (Better still, stay home with a good book.)
• Inform your hosts of what you don’t eat. Say, “Thank you for inviting me. I’d love to come.  By the way, I don’t eat fish.” Easy, no more need be said. Don’t explain, just leave it up to your host. I’ve had a few douzies here but with more awareness of allergies and phobias these days, things are getting better. After being told he ate everything, a guest couldn’t face his Oysters Rockefeller (which are very time consuming)! Problem with his star sign (Cancer or Pisces.) Another time, someone couldn’t eat gluten and hadn’t wanted to cause trouble by mentioning it. Cause trouble???!!!
• Have something to say.  Don’t expect everyone else to do the work. Take a hint from the Queen. If really stuck ask, “Have you come far?”

Don't ask as you walk in the door if there's anything you can do. You think you’re doing the right thing but you’re not. (You can help clearing during the meal.)

What are your pointers? Comment below.