I'm a Slut. It's Official.

Plates ready for friends coming to dinner - but are they really clean?

I'm a slut.  It's official; a slut*, a slattern, a slammerkin. That's quite a relief because, in the past, I've felt criticised for being too particular, rather obsessive, but in fact, I'm a slattern. (Or perhaps, I'm one of the very few people who lucked upon a super, superior dish-washing machine.)

It seems from the week-long survey on rinsers or dumpers, that rinsers far outweigh dumpers by about 12 to 1.  Some of the dumpers were even careful with  a quick wipe-over if the plates had held some virulent berry juice, for example.

It seems some of the results were skewed because a lot of the readers were empty- nesters and didn't need to dish-wash every night.  Many others were callow sophisticates who ate out at least three times a week.

Nonetheless, I’m a slut – We sleep with the cats.  (If we had a dog and a gorilla, we’d sleep with them too.) Sanctioned by our vet, the glass next to my bed at night I share with Jicky (one of the Orientals). But worst of all,  I don't pre-rinse, ever. Yes, I'm a slammerkin, I don't rinse - even though I iron tea-towels, colour coördinate my bath towels and Marie-Kondo my drawers.

Feeling oppressed, paranoid and losing my self-confidence, I spent a wonderful hour on the phone with my new best friend, Audrey from Bosch Australia. Once she'd got the cut of my jib, she dropped her guard and sniggered "It's a dishwashing machine, for heaven's sake.  It washes dishes!"

In short, I learnt a thing or two.

• Once the chop bones have been dumped and the olive pips flicked away and the uneaten spinach scraped off, load the dishes into the dishwasher.  Pre-rinsing is for dummies.
• They have tested soiled/stained dishes stacked and left overnight then loaded and washed.  All good, perfect in fact.
• Quality tablets are worthwhile; some cheaper ones can be too abrasive. No point being a puritan here.
• Clean the filter.  (I do mine a minimum of once a week so not so slatternly after all, heh?)
• Don't overstack. Let the water reach the dishes.

But something I've been doing wrong was thinking the shorter cycle was more water and energy efficient.  It's in fact the opposite.  If you don't need it quickly, the longer run (two hours or more) just works more slowly and uses less energy and water. (Like driving very fast, you use more petrol.)

* Slut - "Kitchen maid or drudge", used into the 18th century. (Hard knots of dough found in bread were referred to as "slut's pennies"). ​Samuel Pepys (diary entry, February 1664) describes his servant girl as "an admirable slut" who "pleases us mightily, doing more service than both the others and deserves wages better".  Later it came to mean a dirty, untidy, or slovenly woman.  (Today's meaning is something else, again.)

What goes in. What stays out.

• No reason not to put stainless steel saucepans in the DW but no copper, aluminium or non-stick coating.
• No wood at all.  No wooden spoons. Try the black, plastic kitchen utensils from IKEA.  They go in the dishwasher.
• No woks. They're very large but also the lovely coating you've cultivated on the steel over the years will be ruined. 
• No chef's knives (the carbon steel can be corroded), no aluminium kitchen gadgets.
• No  bone-handled knives. (And never soak them past the blade.) 
  
• No old plates with gold.
• No lead crystal - immediate cloudiness.  The molecules get agitated. (Don't ask...)
• OK - Plastics (although they never dry) including your food processor bowl.
• OK - All plain china /ceramics but some thin, decorative, coloured tranfers (especially pre-1970)  can be abraised in new and old dishes.
• OK - glassware shines but check out the "Finish" website for how new products protect glass from the pitting and cloudiness caused by cheaper powders.
• OK - dish brushes and sponges.
• Controversial - silver and silver plate. Make sure it's not touching any other metal

I have been fortunate to collect "stuff" that nobody wanted at auctions. How I handle old plates has changed over the years.

For example, this set of twelves large, beautiful, duck-egg blue Bing & Grondahl plates, c.1970 - $10, the lot!

I am driven by aesthetics and believe in and admire effort.  But not only do I grow weary, I realise that (unlike CM's) my stuff is not museum quality and no-one wants it. And in the end, the people around the table are more important than a plate.

So, dear reader, I will share my shame.  These days I put everything (nearly) through the dishwasher, with certain precautions. The heat will not hurt the plates. (Porcelain is fired at 1,400˚C.) I use a liquid dishwashing detergent which is less abrasive than even the new sachets and I carefully measure out one teaspoon, literally one teaspoon only of it and the machine does the rest. The heat, swishing action and minimal detergent even cleans off smeared Tripple Cream Brillat-Savarin cheese.

Old or special glasses I do by hand and allow them to dry on a sponge mat designed for the purpose or a folded bath towel.

Handling my toys gives me great pleasure but life must go on.

Comment? 👇🏾

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