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The worst thing I've ever made.

23/12/2018

8 Comments

 
Picture

                       Black Holly Leaves of Doom

This is definitely the worst thing I've ever produced, the worst thing I've ever pulled from an oven, the worst miscalculation of any recipe I've ever tried.

​I'm not wild about a commercial panettone. They are too airy and often with too much undefinable (i.e artificial) flavouring.  So I did a lot of talking around and reading about its culture, history and preparation.  I went from Paul Hollywood (British Scouser from The Great British Bake-Off) to Carol Field, Marcella Hazan and Pellegrino Artusi et al.  

It all seemed like a wank, a procedure aimed at making the cook feel important, admired and loved. Days of angst with three different fermentations and proofing!  Rubbish! None of that.  I understand  pastry, I make brioche with my eyes shut, for me puff pastry replaces yoga. 
​
Instead of making panettone, I decided to make a festive, culturally sensitive, fruit-studded brioche.    Culturally sensitive in that I wanted to stay away from any rebukes from my Italophile friends.  You know how it goes, add one more mint leaf to a traditional risotto recipe and you'll be banned from the aperitivo for life.

So instead, I ended up with this. What went wrong?  It is literally inedible and I use the word correctly. It's as dry as if it had been made a week ago and left un-covered on the bench.  Toasted this morning and buttered,  it didn't improve and there's not much that can't be fixed with a good buttering.

Analysis...
  • I had increased the butter quantity from the recipe. Can never have too much butter in a brioche, I thought.  It went into the refrigerator overnight for its nice long, flavour-developing rise.  In the morning it was solid.  The butter had gone hard, of course, preventing it from rising, I think.  Left on the bench the next day, it softened but was it too late?
  • Before baking I did all the tests for perfect proofing - surface tapping etc. Obviously got that wrong.
  • Did I bake it too long? How was that possible when I inserted my  scientific, battery -fired, digital, automatic cake tester and got to the recommended  88˚ C?
  • I wanted to be generous with the fruit.  I used quality local dried fruit and also added heaps of hand-cut (by me) imported candied citron.  Slicing my "abomination", I find that, fruit-wise, it's nearly empty.  I should have tripled it. (I should also have read a recipe.)
  • I drove for miles to get a cute traditional paper case which nonetheless didn't help my baking.
  • Forcing down a toasted slice at breakfast, I realise it's also tasteless.  I'm not salt-phobic.  I mock fools who miss out the flavour enhancement that  comes from judicious salt.  Why, oh why, this time did I decide to add half a teaspoon instead of the whole?

What do I learn?
  • ​I learn that first time around, you stick religiously to the instructions, the ingredients, the method.
  • Only play when you have the knowledge and confidence.
  • I learn that there is something to be said for tradition. There is reason behind the madness.
  • I know that, thrown from a horse, you get back in the saddle.  I'll tackle something testing but achievable straight away.
  • I will trust in salt and flavour quantities.

What to do with this?  Perhaps I'll make Tiramisu but is this allowed with messed-up brioche?  I could make a trifle and be careful not to call it Zuppa Inglese.  I'll also go buy a panettone.

Apart from pride and ignorance, where did I go wrong?  
​Comment below.
8 Comments
ROSA MATTO
23/12/2018 07:25:24 pm

Do you ever read the recipe blog, Kitchen Tigress?

You should make a Zuppa Inglese but please come over to collect Alchemeres (maybe that is not the spelling). I will share my last bottle on the condition that the next person who goes to Italy will replenish the store.

I have made Paul Hollywood's Pandoro. (I will send you a photo.) I followed his recipe to the letter BUT I did not leave overnight in fridge. Below 4 degrees is too cold for yeast to work, was my thinking.

Can't tell you what it tastes like yet. On Christmas eve morning with Asti Spumante or Champagne, if the Gods are kind, we will broach both pandoro and panettone (slightly modified Carol Field recipe. I haven't left the house for 3 days). I'll report back to you.

I guess, there is a reason that Italians in Italy go out for pizza, since few city apartments have wood ovens and generally they don't make their own panettone and/or pandoro.

I agree with you about the unnatural lightness of being - and, more disturbingly, the fake flavour and texture - of commercial ones. Loisin is a good brand and we had another wrapped in a stylised newspaper (reverse snobbery) but I forgot to ask the brand.

Ours - yours and mine - will be heavier, denser but hopefully good flavour.

Reply
Cath link
23/12/2018 08:20:51 pm

No, dear Rosa,,yours might be edible. Mine was not. It was nonetheless a very good lesson in standards, attention to detail and the importance of taking the trouble. I honestly thought I could wing it. I went against my beliefs.

But it might make a trifle!

Reply
ROSA MATTO
24/12/2018 10:27:32 pm

Reporting as promised:
I thought you had just the right amount of fruit. Panettone is not a fruit cake, rather a fragrant yeasty bread, studded with fruit.

We have cut into my panettone, Matteo Carboni's panettone and my pandoro. They are not commercial products (!) but they are like the Christmas cakes I remember from my childhood. I am not sure they are easy to understand by a modern day audience but they very good.

The crust on my pandoro is too crusty and hard - perhaps I over buttered the mould and it sort of, like, fried. Who knows?

Sue Lilley
24/12/2018 12:06:42 am

Dear Cath, sooo sorry about the pannetone, especially after all that time and trouble. It looks fabulous in the picture, it is hard to believe it is good for nothing.

Thank you so much for your post disaster learnings, and for making the time to blog it all so eloquently.

Very best compliments of the season to you and yours, Sue.

Reply
Louise Naughton
24/12/2018 07:06:07 am

How frustrating, especially after going to all that trouble. The science of baking is fascinating, isn’t it? I love the magic of yeast, and am amazed that works - most of the time!
It is hard to believe it is as awful as you say, as the photo looks great. Nothing a ton of dairy and alcohol can’t fix I expect.
Thank you for sharing your failure - a reality check from anyone on line is refreshing.
Merry Christmas

Reply
Frank Mc Williams
24/12/2018 10:35:42 am

Any yeast dough that has a high fat content and hi sugar content needs to have a pre-batter stage. That is... some of the flour and a pinch of the sugar with all of the yeast and all of the liquid at blood temperature. Make this like a loose pancake batter and then cover with the rest of the flour , sugar, butter, salt and flavourings. When the batter rises up and causes the flour to crack open you know it’s ok to start mixing. Fruit goes in last after the dough is well developed. Don’t over do the amount of alcohol you might be tempted to douse the fruit in either. Hi alcohol content can hinder the yeasts performance too. As for salt... it plays a very important part in any yeast product. Flavour, yeast management,( stops the yeast from behaving like a teenage boy in love making) and also crust colour.
I hope this helps Cath. Good on you for giving it a go though. Hope you try again with better results. Merry Xmas to you and Roger xx

Reply
Cath link
24/12/2018 01:32:08 pm

You're the man, Frank. We should get you on television. This is too important to leave alone. In a couple of days, I'll post your piece directly on-line, rather than let it languish in "Comments".

In the meantime, my "thing" becomes Tiramisu this afternoon. Take care of yourself at Christmas. Cath xx

Reply
Frank Mc Williams
24/12/2018 05:07:40 pm

I love tiramisu!!!
Cheers Cath 😊

Reply



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