Cath Kerry-Food
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Whacky things restaurants do (and I'd like them to stop)!

27/10/2017

9 Comments

 
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Give me the Cutlery!

Dessert with only a spoon
 – OK you’re saving on dishwasher wages but do we have to push the food onto the spoon with our thumb?
Give me the cutlery!

Loud music – Yes, you’re a DJ manqué, you have impaired hearing due to the head-banger music you listened to as a youth, you have no conversation and imagine no-one else does either. Silence embarrasses you.
Whose taste is your music satisfying? (Mine's terrible - I range from Schubert Leider to Country.)
Background music is an insult to music.
(Mind you, if you were to play Willy Nelson or Merle Haggard, at a suitable volume, I’d be putty in your hands.  But I guess I’d also be eating ribs and something called Jerk.)
Please, just turn it off!
 
Espresso martinis – I know people need, honour and crave coffee but this mixture is disgusting. It has no kick.
Stop it!
 
Mindless questions – “How’s your day been so far?” I'm asked as I sit down.  I don’t know you well enough to tell you.  Set up a brainstorm with your crew to see how you could engage more meaningfully.
Don’t ask me!
 
Long tables without ends – You see it in Vogue magazine and real estate articles – a long table with chairs on either side, no-one at the end. This looks cool, tidy, slick, minimalist, sharp, elegant.  But what about conviviality?  Sometimes you talk to your left, sometimes you talk to your right so to whom does the sad unfortunate at the end talk to?  Really out on a limb!
A long table should have a sense of a circle, where the goodwill flows inwards, not out the end. 
A long table of eleven should have 4 on one side, 5 on another and one on each end.  May not look like Vogue magazine but conversation will be easier.
Fill the ends!
 
Napkins – we’ve lost the battle against the embarrassing late 20th century ritual of having waiters drape napkins across our laps.  (More on that later.) But the new dilemma is why can’t I leave the table and not have my napkin fiddled with?
Debrett’s Modern Manners recommends placing your napkin on the seat of your chair if you need to leave the table. That’s good enough for me.
Why does someone come and intrude on my table and my friends with a flash flourish to rearrange my used napkin?  Is it a way of saying “You’re a naughty girl and I’m tidying up after you”.
If you’re one of the party at the table, gently ask that the napkin be left on the seat.  The time saved could be used to check our water, clear our plates, or get our bill ready. Save time for more important things.
Leave my napkin alone!
 
T-towels out the back pocket - I love the “hipster” look and the vibe of the places these waiters inhabit but can we lose the tea-towel hanging from the back pocket?  I don’t know what you do behind the scenes, but wiping down tables with this much used tea-towel is not a good look.
Unless they have a Dolce & Gabana or an Hermès logo in view, they’re not a cute accessory.
 Keep tea-towels out of sight.

Positive reinforcement – when I order, don’t tell me “Good choice”.  I don’t need positive reinforcement for what I eat, (especially when I hear it said at every table).

9 Comments
Ken Burgin
27/10/2017 07:17:18 am

If you must (and you must!) show us your fine tableware, we want a small note at the end with brand/design plates and silverware... merci!

Reply
Cath link
27/10/2017 07:26:41 am

Sorry Ken. Just didn't want to show off. I'll rectify now. Most erroneous, I didn't acknowledge the Cherry Danish.

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Roger Haden
27/10/2017 10:33:05 am

Hi Cath,
Visiting Sydney recently I ate at a restaurant where the theme was 'smoke' - lots of wood piles and a specially built iron stove/smoker thingy (dominating the open plan kitchen) for doing all the smoky bits and supposedly some cooking (although the meat courses proved that raw was in fact the new cooked at this oh so groovy 'we have a narrative for everything we do' inner eastern hipster hub). Any way, point to make: the music was so loud -thumping rock when we arrived- that I had to question the waitress on the philosophy behind the music... 'why so loud, so inappropriate, so unpleasant? The reply 'This is Surrey Hills!'
5 modestly sized asparagus spears with some 'crumbs' and a tablespoon of albeit quite tasty gloop, $43. That was the serving for three of us. The bunch would have cost retail $2.50.
My biggest 'I wish they'd stop' wish however is that they'd stop with the emperor's new clothes approach to food. In the hands of philisitine 'entreprenooers', molecular was bad enough, 'disgustation' worse and in the centre-of-the-universe Surrey hills (where everyone wants supersonically loud music while craning to hear their dining partners' conversation), it was all smoke without mirrors. The keep it real (smokey) philosophy didn't even translate into flavour, The food lacked it, smoke included. Perhaps the fashion for loud music in Surrey Hills restaurants will see it through, but I doubt it. It will be up in a puff of 'your suppliers are screaming to get paid, we have no customers' smoke in no time. The Sydney crowd couldn't be that silly, not even in Surrey Hills.
Roger

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Cath link
27/10/2017 01:02:46 pm

Thanks, Roger, I love this story. I like that suburbs can be defined by volume. Opens up a whole new area of study.

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Rachael Vincent
27/10/2017 11:15:39 am

'Positive reinforcement'! Ha!
Or what about one of my all-time pet hates - waiters who take away your plate when your companion is still eating?!
And am I wrong to dislike it when they rush around and keep refilling my wine glass when my companion is not keeping up with me (or the other way around)?

Reply
Cath link
27/10/2017 01:01:10 pm

Your pet hate is a total faux pas. It's ignorant or bad staff training (and poor parenting). Never remove a plate when others at the table are eating. (Some good judgement can be used for a very long banquet-style table e.g 30 guests.

As a guest, don't push your plate to the centre of the table when you've finished. Sorry, but I've seen it, at close hand and recently.

With the wine, it's "up-selling". I recommend at all times, once the first tasting is over, asking the server (nicely of course) to leave the wine to you.
Tragically, a lot of people love being "served". A waiter (or whatever PC word we're allowed to use), is there to serve you, not be your servant.

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Helen Vincent
29/10/2017 02:38:26 pm

Yes I was taught by Mum to set . a fork with the dessert spoon & still do altho I notice not a lot of people bother to use it.

I also feel most uncomfortable when a plate is taken away before I finish as I'm always last!!
No one liked sitting with me at boarding school as we weren't allowed to pass the plates until everyone was finished.
And it is still the same ---always last !!

Reply
Cath link
30/10/2017 04:32:14 pm

Helen, keep setting the fork and spoon, even if the rugged individualists we share a table with don't use them.

You are often last because you eat with care and consideration. Perhaps also, like me, you often share a table with one of three boys who, heads down, bolt their food because they think it might disappear elsewhere!

Reply
NJ
17/6/2018 03:45:17 pm

Love that this entire post is commented by people who’ve never worked in a restaurant.

Reply



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